Co-Parenting, Solo-Parenting & making it work
My son was only home for one full week before my husband left us for a work trip.
Let me tell you, one week of motherhood was not enough time for me to feel confident to do it all the without my husband. We created this tiny human together and I relied on my partner to be there.
Looking back, I can’t even remember that week now because I was a ball of emotions - mostly fear. I was still recovering from my c-section and not feeling confident what-so-ever in my new role as a mother. I was still figuring out how to swaddle that tiny, squirmy babe and even struggled to breastfeed without my husband helping prop the pillows and lift my engorged breast as I helped our son get the right latch. Yup, you read that right. It took both of us those first few days to breastfeed. The anxiety was overwhelming, the pain was still present and it felt so scary to not have my partner there for us.
It wasn’t just that he was going to work, but it was knowing that it would take a plane ride for him to get home. The anxiety was real.
You guys, I survived. I don’t even know how I did, so don’t ask for advice, but I did. And if you’re in the same place, you can do it too!
Those first few months of learning to ‘solo-parent’ was a messy, challenging blur. I learned so much about myself as a mom and what I would need to make it work. I made it through his first leaps, cluster feeds and doctors appointments on my own. I think it’s actually made me a stronger mother, but I also think having to take on all the responsibilities so soon also increased my postpartum anxiety. But not only did I freaking survive those challenging days (often alone), but my husband and I learned how to co-parent as a result.
I have a huge respect for single mothers. Being a mom is hard enougH, but doing it on your own is a different ballgame.
Sine then, my husbands travel has somewhat changed (it’s not perfect, but better) and we’ve now learned how to make it work for all of us, whether together or apart.
When my husband is home, he’s super dad. I admire how easy he makes it. I feel like being a parent is effortless for him. Me, not so much. I had to gradually grow into my role. Him? He cooks, cleans, plays with ease and reads books until every page is memorized. He’s hands-on, but not a pushover. He’s playful but teaches our son lessons. He is fully present.
Because of the hard days and time away we’ve faced, we now appreciate our time together as a family that much more. I’ve learned how to ask for help from him and to share duties when we both can. I’ve learned that it’s okay to need a break sometimes. I’ve watched Ford grow and learn with parents that both can handle morning or bedtime routines and everything in-between. I love that Ford can experience everything from both of us.
It took us expressing what we need and what sacrifices are worth having to make this work.
Our situation isn’t perfect, but we make it work. And that’s all that really matters. If you’re needing more support from your partner, the best way to start is by asking. We had to have many conversations about our goals and needs in order to find balance in our parenting. Learn how to trade-off responsibilities when the load is too much for one person or the other.
