Life Lately: My Experience During COVID-19
It’s been over a month since my last blog post and I felt like it was time to check in and share what life has looked like lately…
I have so many thoughts and things I want to share, so I am sorry if this update is all over the place. I created this blog to be a safe space for me to be creative, to write and to document my life and all that happens. So, that is what I am going to do. I am going to share what this situation has looked like for me and my family.
But first…
I want everyone to know that I am thinking of you and I want ALL of us to get through this time stronger, together. To our incredible healthcare workers, my respect for you is endless. To our essential workers that are stocking shelves, delivering groceries and medicine, taking care of the elderly and making sure we can all stay home safely, thank you. I hope you know that you are so, so valued. Truly, we couldn’t do this without you!
This is just my experience and how my life has looked this past month. I know I am fortunate to have the things that matter during a crisis: a safe place to call home with warm beds, enough money to cover our bills and a pantry and fridge that has enough food for us to not go hungry. I am so thankful. Everyday I learn to be grateful for the little things in our lives that we take for granted. It’s humbling, truly.
So, how do I even begin?
I started 2020 thinking this would be the year.
This would be the year I check off some of the big, scary goals I have been working towards for years. This would be the year that my husband and I would take a trip to Europe - something I have saved for and dreamed of for so long. This would be the year I grew my business, added on to my team and so much more in celebration of hitting 6-years in business. This would be the year I could prioritze family and my own needs. This would be the year that we would make updates to our home . This would be the year…
We did get to have our Europe vacation. So, I guess I can check that one off the list.
My husband and I left for Paris the first week of March. I was so anxious about leaving Ford for the first time for 10-days. I’d been away from him before, but never for this long and not with my husband with me. I was anxious about that. I was a little nervous about the daily COVID-19 updates and hearing about more spread in Italy, but I just didn’t think it could get worse. I didn’t think it would affect me.
Unlike many of the U.S. media reports, our time in Paris was lovely. The musums and monuments were not closed, but there were less tourists and visitors in general. I had tears in my eyes the first day when we saw the Louvee. It was stunning. I felt like I was living in a dream. We walked for miles and miles each day soaking in the sights, stopping at a random cafe, finding the perfect dinner spots, and just enjoying the full experience. I may have to do a Paris recap on another day!
After 5 days in Paris, the plan was to head to the Netherlands to experience Amsterdam. I was less excited about this leg of the trip, truthfully. I was homesick and starting to get anxious. I was anxious being in the airport and knowing that we could just go home. But we didn’t because there was no urgency at that time.
Once in Amsterdam, I felt very calm. The city wasn’t as crowded as Paris and had a very calm and casual vibe. It rained A LOT, but we managed to take a canal cruise, do some shopping, and enjoyed having less of a shcedule. We even made it to the beaches of Holland, which were totally worth it!
And then in the last 48-hours, things started to shift. Not in Amasterdam, but from what we were seeing happen in the U.S. We started receiving panicked texts from friends & family about whether we could come back to the U.S. based on travel bans. We watched the daily reports that felt scarier by the second. Everyone in Europe was so calm, nothing was shut down. It was hard to know what to think was real or not. At this point, I was so homesick and ready to be back and the anxiety was creeping up with not having any information. We tried getting ahold of our travel agent - nothing, not even the airline would answer. So, we had to take our regularly scheduled flight back, which was on the day that the ban would go into effect.
We had no idea what would happen when we landed in the U.S. We hoped we would receive more info and possibly testing. I was starting to receive crisis communications from clients about how to proceed as they knew that shutting down would come soon. I knew we would choose to self-quarantine, but we didn’t have know what the instructions would be. Sadly, we were never given any information upon landing.
We made it back safely to the U.S.
I remember the sense of relief I felt and that being together as a family was all I cared about once we made it home. I figured that everything from now on would be fine. We hadn’t shown symptoms and were healthy at this point. We would be okay. We made the choice to self-quaratine with Ford and were given some information from medical professionals that we reache out to via a hospital hotline that helped inform us of what to do. I am so thankful we took their advice and never left our house. I am so thankful we made the painful choice to not see our family after being away for so long.
5 days after our flight, I got sick.
I was obviously working/parenting and doing all the things once back home, so when I started to feel really tired, I didn’t think anything of it. I remember going on our nightly walk as a family (with no contact) and feeling so drained. This was a stressful time…the uncertaintly. Having to change all of my business plans and start over with quick turnarounds. I went to bed early that night thinking it was stress. That everything was starting to weigh on me. The next day, I woke up with chest pain and a headache. I felt like I didn’t get any rest. Again, I assumed it was pure exhaustion. Work was busier than ever at this point because everyone needed support to communicate their plans…I took it easy and didn’t push myself, but thought it was just everything catching up to me. By the end of the 6th day home, I started to get a low-grade fever. That’s when we took it serioulsy. The symptoms progressed and ended up including a mix of tightness in chest, slight difficulties breathing, dry coughing, headaches, extreme chills, fever up to 103.3, and exhaustion.
I was never tested for COVID-19 because they didn’t have a test available for me.
I am so lucky it didn’t progress beyond that. I was sick for 8-days and had a fever for 5-days straight. We did virtual calls with nurses and nightly check-in’s. I did what I was told and tried to rest, keep my fever down with Tylenol and stay hydrated. I’ve never felt so weak. As someone that is very active, it was hard for me to just get off the couch or out of bed at times. I was never concerned about not being tested. I was told I was presumptive positive for COVID-19 and honeslty, taking a test wouldn’t change how I felt or my recovery. I was told by many well-educated healthcare professionals to stay home to keep others safe. If I ever couldn’t breath or symptoms progressed beyond that, I would need to go to the hospital. There are others far worse that needed their immediate care and I am thankful for the support I did receive. I am thankful for a husband that never got sick and could take care of me and run the household and look after our son, who also never was sick.
Recovery and the ‘New Normal’
Once I slowly started to feel like myself again, I was able to process everything that had happened.
I feel like I left the U.S and our life as we knew it and came back to a whole new world.
In a matter of hours, everything had changed. My business was changed (and is still being affected), my normal routines were no longer an option, how I communicate with my family & friends, the list goes on. I expected for our family to be in quaratine based on our travels, but never imagined the whole world would be in this position. It’s something so strange and unbelievable that sometimes it’s hard to process.
I deflinitely have had days of grieving.
Pure sadness and letting go of all the plans, goals and expectations I had set for myself this year. Watching income I had planned on receiving hault abruptly. Sadness from not knowing the next time I will see my 91-year-old grandma who is in assisted living or hug my friends. Pain from seeing others suffer so deeply around me. Fear for my fellow small businesses owners. I’ve cried over so many things…big and small.
But I also have moments of joy. Spending more time with Ford and being there to see him learn is a gift. Doing things I never had time for before has given me perspective on what matters. Building new habits that are healthier than what my previously busy lifestyle allowed for. Learning to let go of plans has taught me to live in the present. The simple things, sitting outsdide or making the perfect at-home latte.
But at the end of the day, I am grateful.
Grateful for the doors that close and the hope that new ones that are even better will open. Grateful for time. Time to do the things I have wanted to try or to just soak in the moments and be fully present. Grateful for technology that allows us to stay connected and productive. I am choosing to make room for the things that bring me joy, like journaling or taking an online workout class. Even on the hard days, we have to be grateful.